Dear Santa


I know its pretty early to write Santa. Or is it late? O well, Who cares?

As kids, my brothers and I wrote to Santa Claus every Christmas and with every passing Christmas, Santa gave us a reply; but with only a few of the gift items on our really long lists and a letter reminding us of our shortcomings that year. That didn’t stop us from writing an even longer list each following year.

I wondered why Santa couldn’t just grant all our desires; isn’t that what he does in the movies and animations?

One day, I was clearing up my uncle Tayo’s books and I observed that Uncle Tayo’s handwriting was so much like Santa’s. I wonder where they learnt that pretty font. I told my mum of my discovery, She seemed pretty amazed too. I later put two and two together; Such a slow little child.
I came to the realization that Santa wasn’t real all by myself and my childhood didn’t end there. I still believed in the tooth fairy.

Anyways, this is my Christmas wish list to Santa just because;

Kemi’s Bunk,
Medical Student’s Hostel,
LUTH, Idi-Araba,
Lagos, Nigeria,
December the 7th 2012.

Santa Claus
Otunba North Pole.

Dear Santa,
How are you? How is Mrs. Claus? And how has your vacation been? All splendid I trust? I’m sure you guys have been making the best of your time off. *wink*
Shey all the ice at your end hasn’t finished melting? Because of all this climate change, melting of polar ice caps and rising water levels gist. E get as e be.
As you know, I’ve been a really good girl this year and I know you know and we both know that I deserve more than a lump of coal;
I tried my best to stick to my resolutions.
I obeyed my mummy.
I obeyed my daddy.
I go to church.
I tried my best not to skip school.
I procrastinated minimally,
I tried my best to listen to all my lectures despite all the heat and lecturers that speak like they have no voice boxes amongst many other things.

Now that we have established how much of a good girl I have been, can I go on with my Christmas wish list? Yes?
Santa Baby. :*

I’m really not greedy and I don’t like to do more than myself. All I desire include;
1. A sizeable behind. You get my point Santa and you know next year is clinical year; I can’t be wearing all those formal clothes and be looking like a white marker board from behind. I’m not asking for the Kardashian type or the Dolapo type, I can’t handle the attention that’ll come with that.
Please I don’t tell me to do squats or sit in some bucket, they don’t work. I don’t want butt pads either: those’ll just make me develop an inferiority complex. Thank you.

2. Acne-free face. I’ve been battling acne ever since I hit the age of 10. My daddy says I have too much testosterone. My mummy just thinks my pores are too small. These things got me feeling self conscious and I expected them to leave once puberty was over but no; they’ve built mansions on my face.
Dear, Santa I want a Clearasil model face but I don’t want Clearasil or Neutorgena either. I’ve tried all their products and they only make me lighter in complexion.

3. Stable Light In LUTH. This LUTH is such a struggle ground. Battlefield of some sort; we bought generator we cannot even afford to fuel, we owe PHCN plenty money and I’m not even talking a million Naira kind of debt. When there’s no light, class’ll be a hot mess, hostel’ll be inhabitable and all that. You can like to bring us a generator that runs on fart or anything that we can afford. Better still, you can make the PHCN ‘off’ switch have the same function as the ‘on’ switch. They won’t know what hit them.

4. Eliminate LUTH Rats.These rats are Landlords as far as I’m concerned. You have to pretty much leave the way for them to pass. Terrorists. Invite them to the North Pole will you? They may be very useful to you.

5. Airtel Cheat Code. make it happen.

6. Peace Of Mind

7. AOC for my Professional Exams. This will bring me the greatest joy; having to read all those texts and notes and only a percentage of everything will surface in the exam. Surprise me please.

You know I haven’t asked for iPhone 6 or iPad 5 or Blackberry 10. Only the things that matter.
Anyways, next year is another and I may be at my absolute best to be able to ask your for all that

I Love you Santa! :*

4 Replies to “Dear Santa”

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